ILLO REQUEST I wear a wedding ring to avoid being sexually harassed, not because I???m married Metro Illustrations Ella Byworth/ Metro.co.uk

Copyright: Ella Byworth/ Metro.co.uk

There is an assumption that after a pregnancy loss – through abortion or miscarriage – a woman will non desire to have sex for a long fourth dimension.

The majority of advice online certainly perpetuates this sentiment, with hundreds of articles telling women that it'southward okay to wait, that y'all won't feel like information technology for a very long time, and that there is no pressure to go dorsum to sex.

It's adept advice – for the women it applies to.

It's completely okay to reject sex following pregnancy loss, for every bit long as you like. And it's proficient that women are told that they are non obliged to take sex at any signal.

However, there are women for whom sex is a part of the healing process and those women seem to exist largely ignored.

After you lose a baby the main thing you want (at least in my experience) is to experience like yourself once again. For some of the states that means a return to drinking and partying, for some it's extreme sports and for others it will hateful having sex.

Message boards on Mumsnet, Reddit, Babycenter and Netmums are filled with posts from women trying to understand why they want sex activity following ballgame or miscarriage, and whether that's okay.

One woman writes: 'My sex bulldoze has gone through the roof the last few days. I had my miscarriage last Friday and bleeding stopped Thursday. We're on holiday and I tin can't get enough of my husband.

'Fifty-fifty having constant naughty dreams… Sorry TMI! This is actually not like me… Anyone else accept increased drive afterward miscarriage? I'm feeling slightly guilty about it, which is probably quite irrational.'

Some other writes: 'I miscarried last week and I dealt with that as well, pretty much every bit before long as I was dwelling from the hospital all I wanted was sex activity.

'Obviously I wasn't able to do that, and my boyfriend was too afraid of hurting me to touch me at all… which was honestly a massive source of frustration for me, all I wanted was to be shut to him later all that, and I didn't like being treated like I was "broken", I needed to experience like I am still a woman, for some reason I desperately needed to yet be desired, despite what had happened…

'…I felt like I was a freak for feeling that way though, I was even embarrassed by it. I didn't know information technology was obviously fairly common.'

The official NHS advice focuses on protecting yourself from infection and making the most medically safe choice. It is as follows:

  • Ideally should expect to accept sex until you stop bleeding, which ways your neck has closed.
  • If you do have sex before the bleeding stops, you should utilise a condom to assistance reduce the risk of infection.
  • You can try to become pregnant again as soon every bit your bleeding stops, provided that you are not undergoing medical investigation for recurrent miscarriages.
  • Some experts suggest waiting for i menstrual period to allow your trunk to recover and considering that makes it easier for doctors to correctly date your pregnancy, nonetheless that is not essential.
  • You are fertile later on an ballgame or a miscarriage so if you lot do not want to go meaning you need to use contraception.

The official advice around post pregnancy loss sexual activity is all very sensible, but it doesn't reverberate with the fact number of women on various message boards asking why they have a high libido given that they've been through a physically gruelling and oft emotionally draining experience.

It's frustrating that when looking for communication most sex after pregnancy loss, the majority of results assume that sexual activity isn't something yous'll be interested in for a long time.

While wanting sex activity during a fourth dimension of emotional hurting might sound counter intuitive, grief and sexual practice do in actually oftentimes fact go hand in hand.

Co-ordinate to clinical sexologist and sexuality educator Patti Britton, 'it's really about filling the void — literally and figuratively.' She explains: 'The grief trajectory is about a loss of closeness — a loss of intimacy. That's why our libido kicks in: To make full that void.'

Grief sex isn't necessarily unhealthy.

Dr Stephanie Sarkis writes: 'When people are numb from grief, they find that sex activity helps them feel something.

'It'south also life-affirming at a time when coping with death has become part of one's every day life. In addition, orgasms release oxytocin, the "bonding" hormone, and endorphins, the "feeling good" hormone, which also reduces your perception of pain.'

Ultimately in that location is no 'right' fashion to deal with pregnancy loss. If the idea of sex makes you lot experience sick and then that is totally fine.

Simply information technology'south also okay to be aroused.

Wanting sex doesn't brand your grief whatsoever less legitimate or whatever less existent.

Perhaps it'south because you want to feel like yourself again.

It could be that your hormones are hiking your libido.

Perhaps you lot're desperate to excogitate another pregnancy.

Or – but as reasonably – maybe you've had a really horrible time of it and yous just want to savour sex and forget about everything else for a moment.

Whatever the reasoning, equally long equally you follow the NHS advice to protect yourself from damage and infection, in that location is no wrong way to go back to sex post-obit a pregnancy loss.

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